As I was glancing through the NST yesterday, I came across one article written by a Malay lady (I presumed, as the name sounds Malay…or maybe its wrong to conclude that, as my name too doesn’t sounds too Malay…:-)..) on this Forgive & Forget issue. I am very intrigues with her point that in life, the most dearest or nearest to you are the ones that actually able to pack that “killer punch” and became your enemies. The ones that you rarely contact or the ones that are slightly more than acquaintance have slimmest chances to step hard on your toes and cause shooting pains. How very true..let me start reminiscing the memory lane though I hate to do that as it reminded me the heartaches that I have gone through. Family, in-laws, loved ones, relatives, colleagues and best buddies are the people whom made us feel downright miserable with the slightest bad gesture or cruel words or statements.

With family i.e. siblings, even when the arguments reach an intense stage, things will be patch up sooner or later. I remember being eldest, I always have to make ways or give ways to my siblings. When we fought with each other and made Mak angrier than usual, it was me whom got the hard pinch at my arms, not Ina nor Inda neither Jura. I always took the blame and if I was mad with them, it will take not more than a day to patch up.

Nevertheless, things are totally different with friends and colleagues. There are no blood ties here and we do not have to patch up and may ended loose ends. How sad, it became even sadder, when you thought that they are your dearest buddies and given chance you will never think of back stabbing them but they did it to you…It may rise from inevitable conflicts and these disagreements may arise from few situations such as:

• People have different personal and selfish interests
• People have egos & like to have them recognized & stroked
• People have different personalities to which other react in different ways
• People remember other’s past actions & behaviours

But in my recent case, they condemn me because I do not have a nice posture and because at times I used to haunch back, therefore I was called “Nenek Kebayan” for nearly 2 years…2 years without me realising that I was being laugh behind my back. 

I am now comprehending & digesting 2 books, hopefully, I will master those contents, that are: Enlightened Office Politics-Winning the game without losing your soul & also on 48 ways getting Power…The more I read, the more I understand these peoples, basically, there are unprincipled people whose primary goal is self-interest, rather than the wider interest of the organization or of other people in the organization. Unprincipled people use a wide variety of manipulative, even sneaky, tactics to achieve their goals. We must never trust an unprincipled people because that trust can be sacrified at any moment if the unprincipled people receives a better offer or sees better opportunity. The unprincipled person often has a short-term focus which follows logically from the person’s overall objectives.

Moving forward, how do you deal with this office politics….I guess now, I must identify who are my allies, opponents, fellow travellers, enemies and neutral are. It is important also for me to study where do these people stand in relation to me. Finally, I must remember my friends….and also my enemies. Do I forgive my enemies…well to forgive is divine..I guess to have less crowfoot near my eyes or wrinkles coming out faster than it should…I forgive them but I will never FORGET them for the rest of my life…EVER…

 

 

 

 

Last  week was my worse working week in my life….why…because of some malicious news that spread around faster than the H1N1 virus at my workplace..ok, I might be taking things too hard…it might merely have been malicious gossip..(to calm myself…) but the intention is to tarnish my reputation, to cause me embarrassment and also the most pertinent objective is to make me upset. So, do I get upset, yes…yours truly got so upset that I cried my heart out and end up with sore eyes and headache (resulted from the over crying). I cried while reciting Surah Yassin that I fidyah to the person whom is responsible on the news  ignition. Since I have been hit with these malicious acts, it reminded me on Mak’s advice to keep on reciting Yassin, stressed on verse 81 that said; ” Verily, when He intends a thing, His command is BE and it is !…” and dedicated to the person whom attacked me. I have lost count on the number of reciting Yassin.

To the attacker, may I remind you on Surah Al-Rum; verse 21: “And among His signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect”

As such, I was destined to be D.Pian’s wife and who are you to criticise the act of Allah..now please let me live happily ever after with my husband…My point is whom I am married to,  is NON OF YOUR BUSINESS and also do not affects my work performance and the whole organization….#$%^&**^&* BS…BS..BS…!!!!!!!!!!!

Being in HR, I am particularly concerned on this 2 requirement; certified and qualified. When someone applied for a position e.g. as a Health and Safety Executive, besides than having a degree to qualify the incumbent, he needs to have a certification from Dosh as his area is a specialize area that is Health & Safety. Never the less, without the certification too, he can also be employed provided he has the relevant experience needed and after that the Company will assist him in getting the certification. What I am trying to proof is..you need to qualify first then only get certified. So which one come first..

At home, we appointed one Ustaz to teach the kids and me to read Quran. It has been since 1999 and our relationship with Ustaz is more of a family relationships. Though Izzat had Khatam when he was in Primary 6, he stills learned reciting Quran till to date. Iman will be finishing his soon but I wanted him also to learn on the tajweed. Ustaz told me that when they completed the tajweed modules, they will learn the technique of memorization. Izzah is still at the Iqra’ stage and she is doing excellently considering that she is only 5 years. Besides than Quran, Ustaz also lead us during the Isya’ prayer after the Quran lessons and after that a short tazkirah, more often than not, advising the kids on aqidah.  To relate to the above conditions, certification or qualification…is our current Ustaz appointed at my home need certification from MUIS or Majlis Ugama Islam Sabah. Ustaz has the needed qualification to teach Quran as he has a Bachelor Degree in Islamic Studies from one of the Indonesian Universities. Ustaz also works at one of the Masjid in KK and we use to see him at Masjid Bukit Padang, assisting the Imam. Now, are we wrong in appointing him and if it is wrong will MUIS raid him,  when he come to our house.

Now, why am I so obsessed with this.. It is because the former Perlis Mufti Dr Mohd Asri Zainul Abidin (Dr Asri) was arrested for giving an Islamic talk to the residents at Sri Ukay recently and he was told that he did not have any certification to teach them. Impliedly, Dr Asri is not good enough, not educated enough to give a lecture on religious matters and not qualified based on Selangor Religious Authority (JAIS) standard. Therefore he was arrested!!

Personally, I have been reading Dr. Asri’s blog for quite sometimes and I found it very enriching to mind and soul. Maybe in One Malaysia concept, Islam’s standard differs from one state to one state……..

Of late, there are few issues that kept creeping and it is also mind-boggling …why ahhh…mid life crisis…or early signs & symptoms being “makcik aka auntie”. Mentioning about makcik..the way you dress really change your title. Last week, Iman craved for Mac Donald and it was already 10pm. We were at the TV room watching one of the Malay drama that Izzat frequently said, “..it’s a stupid show and I can’t believe we are watching this…” So off we went to McD as it’s just 1000m or less from our home. So, me…without changing my nighties just took the tudung & wore it over..after all drive through, I am not going to come out. When my ordered was taken, I was called auntie…of which I didn’t mind but the very next day on the way back from office..dressed up in office attire at the same counter with the same staff taking order, I was addressed as Kak….Yuppp..this is one of the issues…being categorized in the Makciks Group…I’m old..I’m another makcik next door…no..no..NO!!(in denial state..)…but wait..I am an independent Makcik, stylo Makcik that sometimes dress up in 3 piece suit…wink..wink.

Issue # 2 that perturbed me is the recent 2010 Budget announcement which combined the elements of ‘better’ and ‘worse’..there is in fact nothing to shout out at for the 2010 Budget. Beginning 1st Jan 2010, credit card holders will be taxed whether they are in debt or not. Now, that is definitely a not so good news..I have 3 credit cards, all 3 from Bank Islam; 1 gold visacard, 1 gold mastercard and 1 platinum mastercard. I have to cancel off 2 cards and maintain only one though I have no problem in credit cards debt. Income tax relief also is nothing to scream or shout at..what is there if the savings per annum is merely RM100…sigh..sigh…bear in mind, there are more to pay due to  BIK or benefits in kinds. The car that I’m entitled, the fuel reimbursement, the parking lot that being paid for etc will be accounted in the EA form come year end….Prices of goods remain the same. My monthly groceries is no longer within RM250, last weekend, I spent slightly above RM500, because the trip was joined by Izzat, Iman & Izzah. They just took things from the shelves & I had heartache paying at the counter…

Issue # 3 is on the recent article that I read on Malaysia Today written by the controversial reformist & activist; RPK..by the way where is he..(I pray for his safety..) titled ” 20 point agreement between Sabah & Malaya”. According to RPK, the establishment of Malaysia was much like a marriage where Malaya, Singapore, Sabah and Sarawak entered into matrimony on 16 Sept 1963. Singapore has, since 1965, seceded from Malaysia. Reading the 20 point made me understand the current scenario particularly on this 2 matter:

Point 1: Religion ; While there was no objection to Islam being the national religion of Malaysia there should be no State religion in North Borneo, and the provisions relating to Islam in the present Constitution of Malaya should not apply to North Borneo.

Point 6: Immigration ; Control over immigration into any part of Malaysia from outside should rest with the Central Government but entry into North Borneo should also require the approval of the State Government. The Federal Government should not be able to veto the entry of persons into North Borneo for State Government purposes except on strictly security grounds. North Borneo should have unfettered control over the movements of persons other than those in Federal Government employ from other parts of Malaysia into North Borneo.

The relationship between Peninsula Malaysia, Sabah and Sarawak is no longer sacrosanct, a marriage rocked with broken promises. The East Malaysian states have “descended” in ranks to become no more than a wronged spouse in an unfortunate union, with West Malaysia enjoying political supremacy and socio-economic advantage. Sabahan  feels that they have been sidelined. There is still that uneasy feeling on whether they really are part of the three regions (i.e. Peninsula Malaysia, Sabah and Sarawak). Ok, that is the official feeling of most Sabahan..so how do that affect my life personally…

Well, to begin with, I was never and am still never being welcome by D.Pian’s family. I have to apply work permit to work here and now still thinking whether to apply the PR of Sabah. My in-laws hates me so much just because I am not an Irranun virgin (it sucks to think this..) when I married D.Pian. After 17 years, they are still adamant about that. Frankly, I am lonely here, my siblings are all in KL, I miss them..I miss the life over there where weekends we will gathered at one of our house and cook meals with all our children mingling around among their cousins. My kids loves to be in Inda’s house, reason being, “rumah Mak Yang ada swimming pool..”..I loves my sisters companies, chatting and discussing things. Since Mak is no longer here, I took over her place to make sure we siblings stacked together through thick and thin……

Coming back to the 20 agreement point…worse case scenario, if Sabahan decided to call the day from Malaysia..what will happen to us…wahh..very serious ah….what will happen to my kids…where are we suppose to stay and I will officially became an expatriate in Sabah.

Lets put it off in the mean time…had enough in my plate already….

We were being quarantined at Nexus Karambunai for the so-called “Management Retreat” for 4 days & 3 nights for the rejuvenating, revisit, recuperating, rehabilitation and what not..on our next 5 years strategic plan. Basically it was one of  the 1st initiatives or interventions in the long process of Change Management initiated by my division. So..my team and me were busy than the bees in preparations, never the less, Alhamdulillah..praise to Allah..as the current leader in the organization approved the project. In my opening say..I hate to mention speech as it was a very short one..I did highlighted on the importance of working as ONE big TEAM. I also stressed on the need to aligned ourselves so as not to act like the billiard balls that when 2 balls knocked each other they went separate ways…Hopefully, the message is well understood that I do not want to see the same things happened during the last decade of leadership of which performance was determined by the relationship with the number 1 in the organization instead of through Key Performance Indicators & other soft skills. In the last era, the closer you are with the number 1, the pampered you are and the more power you grabbed and resulting into you becoming above the laws. I am praying that those practices obsoleted.

It was a tiring sessions, with 1 holdings company and 4 subsidiaries, definitely the consultants had some tough time. Sessions begins at 8.30am until 1pm, rest for lunch & zohor prayer. Continue at 2pm until 5.30pm for asar & maghrib payers. Continue after dinner at 8.30pm and ends at 11.30pm….The moment we hit back to room..we were flat at our back on the bed. No time to laze at the beach, not even any chance to view the spectacular sun set and what more to catch up some gossiping among the managers & heads of companies….

It was enriching and boosted up our self-confidence & also spurred up our energy towards a better vision, mission to achieve our targets and goals through our core competencies as guides..

I only manage to snapshots some view from my room balcony…sigh..sigh..I have to come back with my kids & D.Pian to enjoy the scenery….

Before Ramadhan, the OC for our new house was released and we were also given the house keys. D.Pian bought a bigger house for us…supaya lebih selesa he said. Now, we are in dilemma whether to move or not. The kids refused as our current house is near to their school..a walking distance, near to their tution centre and most of their friends are also here at Kingfisher Park. To move to Kingfisher Sulaman, though, the Kingfisher word is still maitained, it will be approximately another 4 kilometer further up…

So how….we will decide later, meanwhile, the current house is just nice & strategically located..but what will happen to the new house….

Meanwhile, let me keep dreaming of having a tropical resort’s garden and also to have an English concept for my wet kitchen……

It has been quite sometimes after my last post.

Yep, long hiatus but definitely I was not hibernating, my long pause was due to tremendous workloads be it with the family or at the work place. Before Ramadhan, I was hit by the flu bugs and was badly in shape..to add more stress, it was even worrisome due to H1N1. It started with D.Pian, upon his arrival from Jakarta and definitely, his sleeping partner got attacked immediately and after that all the children. I was all out in retrieving myself back to normal..I doubled my dose of Usana, drank couples of coconut, made the Lo Han Kor concoction, pasting the tamarind paste on my neck, forehead and temples, swallowing honey with lemon etc, etc. After 3 days MC and days of body aches and also struggling with sore throat and hoarse voice, finally, I am ok. That was worse and though I was on MC, I still came to office on the 2^nd day as there was a BOD meeting and I have to be on stand-by (luckily, the BOD members did not request me to present the paper..if not..they will have difficulties in understanding me as my voice is huskier than Tina Turner) as there were 2 papers from my department….my…that drained my energy level and after the meeting, I hit the road, back home.

Ramadhan: Come Ramadhan, Alhamdulilah, I am ready to play my role. I try my best to get the most of Ramadhan and summit myself to Allah during this Holy month. As much as possible, I recited the Quran but still I am unable to finish it when Ramadhan ends…sigh..may Allah forgive me for my weaknesses. I only went to Masjid once for solat tarawikh and the rest I performed it at home after Isya’ and I summed it up with solat witir when I got up for my sahur. Solat witir is the last solat sunat and act as the “closing” up all the solat sunat and as such, if one need to perform more solat sunat after the mid night, then, it is not advisable to perform it after solat tarawikh. Alhamdulilah again, thanks to Allah for giving me strength to carry out those solats during last Ramadhan.

 Syawal : This year is Kota Belud’s turn for Eid celebration. Yours truly as usually will have to perform her culinary skills assisted by my loyal assistant aka maid…but this year..there were requisitions from: D.Pian wanted Rendang Dendeng, Izzat wanted Rendang Pedas, Iman wanted kuah kacang and myself wanted Lontong. And guess what, I cooked all the above….see…I am at par with Chef Wan if not Jamie Oliver, cooking more than 1 dish at a time. Again, I am blessed with the helps from the requestors; D.Pian sliced all the 7 kg meat, Iman pounded the ground nuts, Izzat peeled the onions and stirred the rendang…it was a joined effort by every one of us…though Elis & me performed most.

When ever we celebrated our Raya in Kota Belud & despite celebrating it over here for the umpteenth time, I felt most  melancholy, what more with the fact that Mak is no longer around. To add to the miseries, (as if it is not enough..) the relationships among the inlaws were and are still not warm enough. Though been married for more than 16 years, I am still being regarded as “pompuan Malaya” and “outsider” by my in laws, so much so that they are still adamant about that. It seems from the stories that I gathered, D.Pian was supposed to be matched with Irranun girl not someone like me across the South China Sea….Anyway, that was history, whether they like it or not..we have 3 children..

As anticipated, when we reached kampung…ah…sad..sad…better not to jot it down. I digress…

Anyway….Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri…Maaf Zahir Batin, moga amalan Ramadhan di terima Allah. O Allah, I seek pardon from you..

 

We loves roaming around Plaza Masalam whenever time permit when we were in Shah Alam. A short trip from our home in Section 7 and the most easiest place to get some grocerries; from Giant and also some snacks especially laksa, soto, mee rebus, kuih bahulu and what not from Noraini’s eatery. When the 3 of them Izzat, Iman and Izzah were admitted to DEMC, next building to Plaza Masalam, D.Pian and me end up also sleeping in the ward with the 3 of them and we took turn to go down to Plaza Masalam for break. Recently, on my last trip with Iman in May back to Shah Alam, Iman insisted that he need to go there and me, as usual go to the Reject Shop, to get some good bargain tshirts, nighties and Izzah’s dresses.

Never the less, the recent incident at Plaza Masalam warned me that it is no longer safe for us to linger around…maybe the MACC’s employees being so stressful trying to solve all the corruptions issues in Bolehland and also in their effort to create Bolehland as corruptions free…accidentally…overlook us…and things turn wrong like what happen to late Teoh. My heart goes to the late Teoh’s family, though, I do not know him but he was also a Malaysian fellow whom as a loyal citizen willing to be testified for the sake to uphold MACC’s vision to have a zero corruptions in Bolehland.

As anticipated in Bolehland…the government stance are various; investigation will be done, have faith in PDRM as they are independent, MACC will never do that to their witness, do not speculate, there is no racism, lets not be sceptical or judgemental….

 

Last week: weekend (my..I’m suppose to blog this last week..darn me…), D.Pian’s clan went to 1Borneo for no apparent reason nor solid justifications. It was raining and we decided to have late lunch at Penang Village since we had a heavy  breakfast comprised of fried mee, tuna sandwiches and anchovies fritters cooked by yours truly. Lately, I love cooking, been contemplating of getting new oven and new fruit juicer..need to convince D.Pian on those gadgets. By the way, D.Pian agreed to get a new washing machine(replacement of current one that was bought in 1996 when we were transferred here from Miri…..), a front loader like the one that we have at our home in Shah Alam and I am coaxing him to pair the washing machine with a dryer..everything comes in pair..husband & wife, abah & ummi and it also goes to washer & dryer…D.Pian’s forehead starts to wrinkle with my points but he kept numb…Ok, talking about pairing..it is also related to Maths and Science subjects in schools in our Bolehland…

Last week too, Malaysians were informed that the Cabinet has decided to revert to teaching Maths and Science in Bahasa Malaysia, after it was introduced in 2003 aka as PPSMI. There were and in fact until today, the uproars on the decision. Che Det; the “promoter” of the PPSMI definitely was not satisfied and not happy…One of the reason for the reversal was that the widening gap between “bandar” and “kampung” schools in maths and science subject. PPSMI was a noble idea but was badly planned and executed.

Both D.Pian and me were Bahasa educated, me being educated in small town at a missionary school: Convent School Primary & Secondary,  that build strong English language as basis while D.Pian from a very rural area in Kota Belud. D.Pian  told me not until he was send to Kota Kinabalu when he was in form 4 as he got good result with excellent aggregate in his SRP, that he started learning English. Before that, during his Primary school days, English was just a lesson that you are free to do your own work. At first I couldn’t believe that but when I told him that we do learn literature’s of Shakespeare and the “Little Women” book that I love so much when I was in secondary school and he had never heard about that. Also when I mentioned to him that during my primary school days, I have read all the books from Enid Blyton series, Nancy Drew series and even Hardy Boys series and again, he been clueless…then only, I realised, he is telling the truth. No wonder when Izzat first went to Playschool and when he learnt his rhymes and songs: Humpty Dumpty, Twinkle Little Star, Clementine, I sang along with Izzat. When Izzat asked “Abah, why don’t you sing along”, D.Pian answered him back that he don’t know of which Izzat replied, “How come you don’t know, abah tak sekolah ke..ummi tau..” D.Pian will shared his school days experience with his children until today and sometimes when he mentioned all his chilhood hardship in kampung, either one of Izzat, Iman or Izzah will bemused and asked him, “why are you so poor..” and it may sounds aggrogant but to me, they were fantasized with the fact that, there were hardships life and that we as parent must create the awareness to them…life is not a bed of roses…with hardworks, everything is possible..

Coming back to PPSMI, we send our children to a private school, the English standard is not Malaysian school standard, in fact, all the English whether textbooks or workbooks are from Singapore. Though the government decision do has impact on my children but by virtue that their school also build strong English foundation and basis, I am less worried. To both of us, to compete in globalised world, we need much more than a good command of English. Hardworking, good analytical thinking plays vital role. We wanted our children education to be more holistic and well rounded; as I mentioned before; IQ, EQ and SQ must be balance. Sadly and very unfortunate, the current education system place too much emphasis on examinations, where attaining high grades is the sole objective of education. Now, students are taught by schools how to answer exam questions in order to score. Same goes to public universities as it serve as an extension of school.

Both D.Pian and me starts browsing the net on courses offered by New Zealand and Australia’s universities…

Of late, I have been putting my thinking cap on how should I lead my life. I need to change…physically (this is the most difficult part..how to shed 7 kg..I am now 60kg, my ideal weight is 53kg..gosh..), mentally and most pertinent is spiritually. Never the less, I need to plan these properly…ya..I can plan..planning though not my forte but I do plan for things & it is part of my job but to keep the momentum, to sustain and to stick to your plan is the most difficult part in your life.

 

Part (i): Physically

I need to eat healthy foods. I need to exercise. I know the facts accurately and also have been reading on those 2 issues. Now, when can I start..2 days ago, I started on Usana supplement food. Ziela my ex-colleauge in FMS recommended me. Actually, I heard these products from Inda my sister. Her doctor friend had been taking these and really put up his thumbs, though her doctor husband is quite apprehensive. I need to inculcate the habit of drinking at least 1.5 liter of plain water…alah mak…lately, I’ve been hooked to coffee..coffeeholics…I just bought a Decaffine Nescafe and has been enjoying it in front of  TV set with D.Pian. We only watch TV when the kids are not around. In my house, one of D.Pian’s house rules is TV for the kids is on Saturday to Sunday night at 9pm. There will be no TV during weekdays except for Fiya when she came back from Kindy but it will be switched off at 3pm of which her 2 brothers reach home from school. I enjoy the ice blended coffee at Coffee Bean and Starbucks so much…..so how…

 

Part (ii): Mentally

This is another difficult part. How ahh..to change your mind set, to be resilient and to have high level of kind patient not to mention passion. Mentioning about these traits, I was upset..no..no not upset but was caught by surprise that there are activities of calling names to others among the senior management at my work place. I was aghast as I always assume and presume that being at the senior management level you have a different set of mind from the rest of the employee, you looks things in bigger pictures with different perspectives and as such you belongs to ONE team that is the pillar in the organization. Unfortunately, that was not the case, cronyism and favoritism and also back stabbing are some of the core competencies at this level. I recalled reading one of the HR consultant on his comment on HR job: “HR work is not for the faint-hearted. If you can’t handle controvesy and you get depressed because people are attacking you, then you can’t do this kind of work. You must expect to be attacked, to be critized, and to be called whatever name”. Being in HR in this company has made me develop a special bond with my Creator; Allah s.w.t..when I am attacked, I prayed hard, I recited Al Baqara 286: ”Allâh burdens not a person beyond his scope. He gets reward for that (good) which he has earned, and he is punished for that (evil) which he has earned. “Our Lord! Punish us not if we forget or fall into error, our Lord! Lay not on us a burden like that which You did lay on those before us (Jews and Christians); our Lord! Put not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Pardon us and grant us Forgiveness. Have mercy on us. You are our Maulâ (Patron, Supporter and Protector, etc.) and give us victory over the disbelieving people.” (286) 

I recalled few events/occasions of which I did jot it here in my journal when my Superiors being tempremental and started throwing tantrum on me, in those cases, I really surrender myself to Allah s.w.t and the number of Surah Yassin recited by me of which I “fidyah” to them due to their unkind actions towards me. Allah s.w.t answered my prayers..they were no longer here. I remembered the solat hajat and solat tahajud performed and also solat taubat..in a way, I am thankful to Allah being tested on these as I really surrender to Him…ok..past is past…personally I have no malice what more to pay revenge nor being vindictive…Ya Allah, may all those ill feelings get separated from me and may I do not have a slightest intentions on those…

 

Part (iii): Spritually

I attended ESQ Leadership training while I was with PONSB somewhere in 2007 and I remembered the trainer’s philosophy that IQ, EQ and SQ should be side by side…of which I agreed. I have seen cases, professionals with high flying results of MBA or professional accounting background but never the less, they don’t bother with the basic guidelines in whatever religion they believe in, corruptions, back stabbing, cheating, frauding, some muslim friends can’t even read the Quran, they can’t be bothered with keeping the prayers… Not to say that I read Quran so well, neither do I claimed myself an Islamic scholar but the simple basics are not in them. The GOD spot is not in the head and that lead them to be aimless…i.e. a headless running chicken. I do not want that…I am not going to slave myself to get those big C title but I want to have a job that balance out those 3: IQ, EQ & SQ. Speaking about this, how can I get rid of this evil from my body…see..I always set my alarm that I will wake up at 3.30am to perform solat tahajud, solat taubat, solat hajat etc but when the times come, when the alarm starts beeping, automatically, my hand will reached for it & swicthed it off…evils in me…

Now, we are in Rejab, sooner Syaaban and after that Ramadhan. I promised to myself, I have to start fasting in Rejab but so far, I only managed to do it twice…I also promised to recite Al-Mulk & AsSajadah before going to bed but sometimes I lapse…how to “Istiqomah”….I have lots more to learn..If Allah permits, I want to perform my Umrah next year…I am praying hard..InysAllah…

I guess, I need to stop mumbling…I need to start the changes…need to change..Life is too short to wake up in the morning to regret…make a small step by TODAY…the more steps you take to be nearer to Allah..the closer Allah will come to you..I believe that…